There’s a reason why developing communication skills and strengthening marriage relationships go hand in hand. Marriage involves hard work. And communicating well is a skill that takes repeated practice to master.
Here’s why Crucial Conversations is a great marriage resource:
- If ever there’s a relationship with lots of discussions “where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong” it’s marriage (Patterson et al., 2002, p. 3).
- Crucial Conversations is a fairly quick read, filled with lots of relatable examples.
- This book provides a structured framework to help people put the tools to use.
- And, perhaps most importantly, Crucial Conversations contains so many concrete tools that point toward collaboration and synergy.
Here are 10 key takeaways from Crucial Conversations:
- Successful conversations involve both people openly sharing their thoughts, feelings, and desires so that all the truth is on the table. There is a way to be honest and kind.
- Skilled communicators know what they want and are clear about their motivations. They stay focused on their objectives.
- It can be helpful to pay attention to the content of the conversation, as well as what is happening emotionally and behaviorally during the conversation.
- The free flow of information diminishes when people don’t feel safe. Silence and violence are common styles of coping with the lack of safety during conversations.
- Safety can be established by finding a mutual purpose, or a common goal.
- Safety can be restored by apologizing, clarifying one’s intent, or through brainstorming to find a new mutual purpose.
- Speaking persuasively involves each person, in turn, sharing the facts of a given circumstance followed by their interpretation of that circumstance. Trying to prove or convince rarely works.
- Listening involves patience, curiosity, and a willingness to look for the truth in another perspective.
- The point of a Crucial Conversation is to come to consensus, make decisions, and act. This does not mean that everyone gets exactly what they want. But both people support the decision because it is what is best for the group, and it fulfills their mutual purpose.
- The only person you can change is yourself! In order to change, a person has to want to change enough to repeatedly seek opportunities to act in a new and different way.
So, are you ready to take your marriage communication to the next level? Order a copy of Crucial Conversations today and start practicing! Still undecided? Check out my blog post, Crucial Conversations Pt. 2.
Reference
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. McGraw-Hill. http://ci.nii.ac.jp/ncid/BB08235712
Hi, I’m Heather Huggard. I have always loved to learn. I especially love learning about physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. I have a bachelor’s degree from BYU in nursing (with a psychology minor), and now I am a Marriage and Family Studies major at BYU-I.
I am especially interested in studying the personal development that happens through marriage, and the topic of differentiation. The theory of differentiation comes from the work of Murray Bowen, and was later developed and applied to marriage by David Schnarch. Dr. Schnarch’s crucible approach to marriage difficulties is intriguing to me because it focuses on personal development while in a close relationship. This approach also differs from the more mainstream attachment based approaches, instead focusing on the balance between autonomy and connection. I think I am passionate about this topic because it is something I want to develop within myself.