Staying Close with your Spouse through the Years
How small choices and simple moments strengthen your bond.
Dating vs. Married Life
Recently, I came across a comedic sketch titled Dating vs. Marriage, and it resonated with me in how it depicts a couple’s relationship when they are dating vs. married. The comparisons highlighted in the sketch reminded me of times I have reflected on how my relationship with my husband has evolved from when we were dating and engaged to now, several years into our marriage.
Like many young couples, during our dating days, texting and talking on the phone were the highlights of each day. My husband and I dated long-distance—only a six-hour drive apart, yet it felt much farther. I vividly remember one weekend when he surprised me by arriving a day early. I cried tears of joy and happiness simply from seeing my beloved after just a week apart.
As newlyweds, romance was often visible everywhere in our home. I could look around our living room and often find sweet notes from my husband, fresh flowers on the table, my home-cooked meals prepared with care, our frequent date nights, and even a candle lit at dinner. Today, the scene is a bit different. Our home is busier and less tidy, and I’m in the middle of a season of decluttering. Toys scatter the floor, breakfast dishes linger, and clothes seem to multiply even when it’s not laundry day. As newlyweds, our home was almost always neat—of course, back then, I didn’t have two toddlers keeping me constantly busy. Much has changed, and it might not seem like it is for the best.
Love Expressed in New Ways
But, what if I choose to see things differently? If I look with fresh eyes, I notice that love is still present—just expressed differently from both of us. Instead of flowers, there are sweet text messages, letting me know he is thinking about us. Instead of candlelit dinners, there are nights when my husband puts both kids to bed so I can have an evening rest to read and study. Elaborate meals have changed to simple family dinners filled with laughter and silliness. I may not leave a note in his lunch every day like I once did, but I still make his lunch and serve him in that way.
Fancy dates may be fewer, but the dates we do have are intentional—filled with fun and meaningful conversation and connection. In this season of life, it’s the little things that help keep us close. Though our relationship looks different now than it did early on, we continue to grow and bond with the time we have. We still flirt, text, and stay up talking—just not as often as before. Many nights, after getting the kids to sleep, one or both of us heads straight to bed, exhausted from the day. Still, we have found that our relationship can energize us, if we nurture it well.
Turning to Your Spouse and Staying Connected
Turning toward your spouse in the hard times, the good times, and all the ordinary times in between is an intentional choice—and an important one.
Staying connected might look like setting aside time to be together after the kids are in bed, even if only once a week. It means prioritizing regular date nights, knowing that a strong marriage benefits not only you, but your children too. Give them the gift of seeing an example of a healthy relationship—not a perfect one, but a relationship that includes patience, love, trust, and partnership.
Instead of sitting side by side scrolling or reading separately after a long day, try playing a board game, watching a new show together and talking about it, or reading books aloud to one another. Rekindling the activities you once enjoyed while dating can help your relationship thrive, and you will find that your relationship will grow stronger because of it.
If possible, send the kids to spend time at grandma’s house for a day or overnight, and really take that time to be together and reconnect. Rekindle the romance that may sometimes feel burnt out, yet it is simply placed on the back burner during a busy season of life.
Simple Gestures Make a Lasting Impact
One very simple way to reconnect today is this: when you see your spouse at the end of the day, greet them warmly and enthusiastically. Give them a hug, let them know you love them, and show them your joy at being reunited.
It may seem small, but it is powerful. After a long day—whether spent working, caring for children, or both—there is no better feeling than seeing your favorite person light up simply because they are happy to see you.
References
Hope After Divorce, F. (2014, September 24). 4 ways to stay connected to your spouse. Reporter-Times, The (Martinsville, IN).
I’m Emily Weissen, a university student studying Marriage and Family Studies. I’m passionate about helping others build stronger, more connected relationships—both in marriage and family life. I especially enjoy teaching parents how to grow in their parenting and understanding why it matters for their children’s development.